CraigHGrowing from a "me" to a "we" generation
October 24th 2006 09:26
The lack of babies in many Western countries is well documented by Mark Steyn, Carolyn Moynihan and others and yet little attention has been paid to the causes for this demographic shift undermining our society. The real reason perfectly healthy couples are not having babies is very simple - they don't want them. Their priorities lie elsewhere in their careers, in material goods or in the pleasures of conspicuous consumption.
Let's face it, raising children is expensive, involves long hours of hard work, there is little or no kudos attached to it and the pay is non existent. Parenthood is not regarded as any great achievement because practically anyone can do it. Do don't need to pass a test or get a licence to have children. Only the infertile view parenthood as a great achievement. However while most couples can conceive, many can't raise a family. Raising a unified, coherent family who can stand to be in the same room with one another for more than five minutes is not a breeze and requires a number of significant personal virtues.
Firstly you need to be somewhat non-materialistic. While some parents treat their children as chattel, people are not possessions and the decision to put hard earned cash onto your children's well being is of a different nature to acquiring more material possessions. Parenting also requires perseverance. It's a 24/7 occupation which continues long after your children leave home. To parent well you need to be able and willing to sacrifice your personal desires for the sake of a greater good, namely the family. This is not a virtue everyone develops and indeed the very notion of sacrifice is often derided by social commentators as idealistic nonsense.
Another quality which helps one decide to start a family is a sense of gratitude to one's own family, both immediate and distant. If people feel grateful for the efforts their parents put in to raise them they may feel they have a responsibility to continue the line of service by having children themselves. They may feel they have received something of value from their parents, something they wish to pass on to the next generation rather than have it die with them in their graves. In the absence of such gratitude, it is all too easy for the decisions regarding children to become nothing more than a lifestyle choice. In addition to these virtues a prospective parent also needs to have the ability to live communally. That is to say he or she needs to be comfortable when surrounded by others not just in the sense of close physical proximity but in the sense of having another person take an abiding interest in every detail of his or her life. Many men struggle to cope with this aspect of family life. They cannot come to terms with the fact that in a family no part of their life is theirs alone and that everything including their thoughts, feelings, motivations, decision, hopes, ambitions, friendships, likes and dislikes are now open to scrutiny by wife and children. In a society which celebrates individuality such a prospect is often not appealing and may account for the dwindling interest in family life.
This list of virtues which are compatible with parenthood makes interesting reading: non-materialism, perseverance, sacrifice, gratitude, a sense of duty towards one's extended family and an ability to live communally. These values are not often exalted, talked about, celebrated and magnified in our society, our schools or even in our families. If we want the grand tradition of Western civilisation to endure we need to rediscover the value of these virtues within ourselves and then openly and honestly nurture them in our children, helping them to grow from a "me" to a "we" generation.
Let's face it, raising children is expensive, involves long hours of hard work, there is little or no kudos attached to it and the pay is non existent. Parenthood is not regarded as any great achievement because practically anyone can do it. Do don't need to pass a test or get a licence to have children. Only the infertile view parenthood as a great achievement. However while most couples can conceive, many can't raise a family. Raising a unified, coherent family who can stand to be in the same room with one another for more than five minutes is not a breeze and requires a number of significant personal virtues.
Firstly you need to be somewhat non-materialistic. While some parents treat their children as chattel, people are not possessions and the decision to put hard earned cash onto your children's well being is of a different nature to acquiring more material possessions. Parenting also requires perseverance. It's a 24/7 occupation which continues long after your children leave home. To parent well you need to be able and willing to sacrifice your personal desires for the sake of a greater good, namely the family. This is not a virtue everyone develops and indeed the very notion of sacrifice is often derided by social commentators as idealistic nonsense.
Another quality which helps one decide to start a family is a sense of gratitude to one's own family, both immediate and distant. If people feel grateful for the efforts their parents put in to raise them they may feel they have a responsibility to continue the line of service by having children themselves. They may feel they have received something of value from their parents, something they wish to pass on to the next generation rather than have it die with them in their graves. In the absence of such gratitude, it is all too easy for the decisions regarding children to become nothing more than a lifestyle choice. In addition to these virtues a prospective parent also needs to have the ability to live communally. That is to say he or she needs to be comfortable when surrounded by others not just in the sense of close physical proximity but in the sense of having another person take an abiding interest in every detail of his or her life. Many men struggle to cope with this aspect of family life. They cannot come to terms with the fact that in a family no part of their life is theirs alone and that everything including their thoughts, feelings, motivations, decision, hopes, ambitions, friendships, likes and dislikes are now open to scrutiny by wife and children. In a society which celebrates individuality such a prospect is often not appealing and may account for the dwindling interest in family life.
This list of virtues which are compatible with parenthood makes interesting reading: non-materialism, perseverance, sacrifice, gratitude, a sense of duty towards one's extended family and an ability to live communally. These values are not often exalted, talked about, celebrated and magnified in our society, our schools or even in our families. If we want the grand tradition of Western civilisation to endure we need to rediscover the value of these virtues within ourselves and then openly and honestly nurture them in our children, helping them to grow from a "me" to a "we" generation.
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